The King of Hot Dog Court is a foot-long. His crown is carved radish and capers; his scepter is one of those toothpicks with a frizzly cellophane tip.

The hot dog people* refer to him as “Your Beefiness,” but Queen Hot Dog just calls him “Percival Amanda-Marie.” (His parents had a sense of whimsy when it came to naming.) His Beefiness’ favourite record is Lionel Ritchie’s “Dancing on the Ceiling.” Baked Alaska is his favourite meal. He killed his only brother to take the throne. He is a salty monster.

[*Hot Dog Court FAQ]

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