Friday Foto Fricassee: Picasso plus Hollywood equals TruLuv?

Picasso  GWENNY

Gwyneth is in talks to star in a film about Picasso’s Guernica, leading me to wonder (over on my other, more thematic Tumblr), does Gwenny + Pabs = Heart?

Woody Allen proved with Midnight In Paris that it is possible to reincarnate beloved modernist artists themselves with charm and class, but whether Madame GOOP is the one to bring the work of Guernica its necessary gritty gravitas… well, I’m not sure.

Either way it opens to the door to the exciting possibilities of cinematizing other famous Picasso pieces with US Weekly-grade celebs… and so, the Friday Foto Fricassee!

Old Guitarist + Keith

= The Old Guitarist Shreds The Blues

Avignon + Vergara

= Avignon Damsel Gets Her Sass Back

Three Musicians + The Police

= This Is JazzyTrio Tap

Guernica + Occupy

= Uhm… Bullfight Ballet?

WHY A WRITER DUDE CHOSE MANUAL LABOUR OVER MAKING LATTES

Workin' Girl

My colleague/co-editor/conspirator Nicole Baute and I have been talking a lot lately about alternative jobs to finance writing… ones that we would conceivably consider, ones that make our blood boil. Magician? Pizza delivery lady? GRIZZLED DINER WAITRESS? (This last one is what I’m leaning towards, for when I return to Canada…)

Interestingly, though Nicole did highlight several manual labour famous writer day jobs in a blog post (and since reading it I have often thought about Alice Munro toiling in the tobacco fields), I’d never actually considered field work an option for myself— but why not?

I worked as a landscaper that summer at the golf course. And of course there was that time I fought for my life as I systematically assassinated 22 other children for love and money.

This Aaron Leaf fellow (the dude writer linked to above) makes a compelling case for working with one’s hands to mentally/financially fund a writing career. And, actually, it sounds like his co-workers at this audio gear schlepping gig made up one of the most vibrant artistic communities I’ve ever heard of. Bonus: Sounds like there is a notable lack of pretentiousness amongst said literary labourers when they’re lugging stuff in the cold hard dawn.

WHY A WRITER DUDE CHOSE MANUAL LABOUR OVER MAKING LATTES

How To Dine With AMBIANCE

*** 7 RESTAURANTS AROUND THE WORLD WHERE YOU CAN DIG THAT CRAZY VIBE, MAN***


It’s true that 800% of the time I’m drawn to a restaurant based on a need deep within my soul for some sort of cheese-based product for which that food spot is known.

But what about those other 1.4% of times (straight up, I’m no math scientist) when I am going somewhere to facilitate some sort of nuanced social gathering? Or have a need to be somewhere “funky”? Or “awkward”?

Awkward

Thankfully, saving me from having to make a credit-card sized restaurant ambiance index to stash in my wallet, online design mag PSFK tells me there’s this new fangled website called Hoppit, “the first site to provide a dining-out search engine which filters its results based on the ambience of venues.

PSFK says:

“Based in Manhattan and currently available in 25 cities in the US, each restaurant in the Hoppit database is tagged with one of ten “vibes” or types of atmosphere. These include ‘classy & upscale’, ‘hipster’, ‘romantic’ and ‘cozy & quaint’, among others.”

And YES one of the “others” is the ambiance designation of “Mad Men.” Finally!

I’m not going to lie, this website solves my problems for when I want to go somewhere “hipster,”

Hipster Eating

because Lord knows I’m too *makes ‘square’ sign with hands* to figure that one myself. (No joke.)

So as an offer of thanks to Hoppit, the following are a few suggestions from around the globe for alternate ambiances they may not have gotten around to indexing just yet, such as “dumply” and “tiny epiphanish” and “legal.”

Read on, worldly ambient diners! You’re welcome!

 

“Dumply” – New York City; Mandoo Bar

Once you’ve laid your tongue on a mandoo from here, the mere whiff of a mention  of the restaurant will become synonymous with the experience of sinking your teeth into soft, soft dumpling skins. A Korea-town lunch place where expert dumpling-maker ladies sit in the front windows and hand press little savoury puffs of delight. It’s downright DUMPLY.

“Literally Exclusive” – London; The Ritz

  Ritz

They wouldn’t let the man-friend and I in here because they thought we were scrubs. True story.

“Tiny Epiphanish” – Miami; Michael’s Genuine Food and Drink

Kimchi eggs benedict. Home-made pop tarts. A hipster brunch cocktail of PBR and a Bloody Mary shooter. Everything in this awesome ‘chef re-does diner classics’ place is small and explodey. Also, I was sitting outside there during a thunderstorm, so, y’know. Lightning crack. BOOM!

“Brine-ing”– Montreal; Schwartz’s

Cured meats and brined sour dill treats in a tiny deli that can’t get any bigger for health code reasons relating to the old, old meat smoker… this is what it’s like to be pickled.

BARTLEY NOMZ

“That kind of red that makes Brianna think of Pleasantville and also True Love” – Boston (Well, really, Cambridge); Mr. Bartley’s Burgers

First sip the chocolate milkshake, then chomp the burger, then sip the milkshake again, and then you will glow just like a Valentine’s Day cupid card.

“Legal” – Toronto; Terroni on Adelaide

Pizza. In an old courthouse. Where they chastise you for requesting things outside the laws of their menu.

Hemingway“Hemingway-ish” – Nairobi; Thorn Tree Café

A beacon of clarity and tasty foods in a cruel and crazy city where leopards prowl the streets and there are more muggers than a coffee cup warehouse in New Jersey. They say that guy who wrote “The Sun Also Rises” used to come to this café in the Stanley hotel—But then again they say he went most places in Nairobi so take it or leave it. Or take it with a killer pull of whiskey and then shoot your rifle into the sunset while riding a lion and thinking about that time you slapped the woman who deserved it.  And then leave it?

BEST THING TO HAPPEN TODAY is the lovechild of TWO great things.

1) The internet, for the first time in WEEKS, is fast enough that I can stream some basic content; and,

2) KIMBRA’s album, Vows, which is just about to be released in North America is STREAMING for free on NPR and for the very first time since I’ve moved to Nigeeeeeria I have actually been able to listen without enduring eight-minute gaps between notes of a song and then angrily giving up after hearing only about 0:09 of anything.

While this is super excellent, I realized that up ‘til now a LARGE part of my enjoyment of Kimbra was part of the experience of watching her on Youtube:

The claw-dancing! The shoulder-shaking!

Must commit this dance to memory so I may recreate it the next time I listen to the audio-only album. CLAW IT!

EHHH! WHAT HAVE THEY GOT THAT I DON’T?! : THE EVERYWHEREIST

Topping TIME’s best blogs of 2011 was The Everywhereist – a funny, slick, globe-trotting travel blog written by the prolific and adorable Geraldine. It’s meant to serve as a reminder to her fella about all the places they’ve been due to his work-trips, but apparently lots of other people like to peek in at their excursions too.

EHHHHH! WHAT HAVE THEY GOT THAT I DON’T?
– Endless and varied travel destination discussions that one could click through for hours

– A way of cubing long-ish information into bite sized pieces (lists, etc)

Shnitzel

– Really great cartoony banner image of various landmarks from her trips

Practical tips on getting around in different cities

Photos of schnitzel (that’s from her, at left!) and other worldwide tasties

– REGULAR FEATURES such as WTF Wednesday

SO? WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT, B?

-Hey! I’ve been to some places! Maybe sometimes I should write some small tippy things about them.

– Hey! I should cube things into little morsels of numbers and letters to make them easier to digest

– HEY! I SHOULD EAT SOME SCHNITZEL! (Did I mention I’m living in Nigeria right now? That might not be so possible for a while…)

– HEY! Maybe I should make features more regular rather than just when I feel like them! (Urkkkk, that is definitely something I know I need to do but have been too enamored with tippy-typing organically to enforce just yet. Must. Stick. To. Schedules!)

So, hey, THANK YOU, Geraldine and THE EVERYWHEREIST, for helping me get a little bit closer to figuring out what might be THE BESTEST BLOG IN THE CHEESE-LOVIN’ WORLD!

EHHH! WHAT HAVE THEY GOT THAT I DON’T?! : THE EVERYWHEREIST

EHHH! WHAT HAVE THEY GOT THAT I DON’T?! : HOW TO MAKE THE BESTEST BLOG IN THE ENTIRE CHEESE-LOVIN’ UNIVERSE

Tony!EYYYY I’M OPEN TO SELF-IMPROVEMENT. REMEMBER WHEN I WENT TO COMMUNITY COLLEGE?” – BIG T, Who’s the Boss

So one thing I’ve learned about myself over the past year and a half of freelancing is that I do pretty well with constructive criticism. I’m quite aware I’m not the hottest shiznat in the shizzer. I mean, I’d like to think I do a lot of things right, but when somebody whose opinion I trust has a tip for me, I’m happy to try it out.

Recently I’ve come across a few of these articles or memes or whatever of people giving their flat out advice on how to be less crappy when pitching to media outlets and/or applying for jobs with same and/or writing online generally. A while ago there was that cramazing 3,000 word rejection letter from an editor at a clean tech mag start-up, for example. And then I’ve come across a few more just in my own course of clickings.

And so I read them with interest. And then I get a bit angry. Because… well… I don’t do MOST of the stupid shit they claim many writers/freelancers/job applicants do! I mean basic, basic standards I regard as bare minimums for my work are apparently being transgressed all the time by people who still manage to make a living from this gig. And yet, I’m still not more successful with various writey whatnots (evidence: I do not yet have my own magazine, Pickle-Pie Pizzas and Poirot Monthly). I have heeded the relevant advice and found it wanting.

So I’m going to start a little exploration here on the old Tumblette entitled EHHH! WHAT HAVE THEY GOT THAT I DON’T?! In which I examine some of the best blogs (according to Time’s Best Blogs of 2011 to start with) and simply answer, “HEY! WHADDA THEY GOT THAT I DON’T, ALREADY, EH-OH JUST CALL ME TONY FROM WHO’S THE BOSS?”

Hopefully such an examination, and integration of best bloggy practices when possible, will lead to this here Tumble being THE BEST BLOG IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Or at least one that KNOWS HOW IT COULD BE THE BEST BLOG IN THE UNIVERSSSSSSE THAT I AM CAPABLE OF PRODUCING. Because I want this blog that I so enjoy, with its hamburger cake photos and Kate Hudson essays, to be enjoyable for people to read as it is for me to make, which is REALLY A LOT, WHOAH MAMA. I want this Tumblr to be the blog equivalent of this delicious baked good offering. (Or… pancakes? I can’t tell.)

Pancakes?

Anyhow. That’s what’s up.

What did you do last night? I ate an entire can of tuna.