Author: Brianna Goldberg

The One Time I Have Ever Not Wanted Bacon

Brianna Goldberg

Bacon/Egg nog cookies

This issue has been extremely divisive amongst my friends and family. When one loves bacon, does one not accept it in all its forms? I would like to say yes, yes, that describes me and my undying love of meats… and yet I cannot imagine putting one of these in my mouth. Although, to be fair, I think it might be more the concept of “eggnog” in a cookie that I find gross. I like eggnog. I like cookies. And cookies HAVE eggs in them (or something? I don’t bake much…). But this is just too much. And admitting that is my shame.

Brianna Goldberg

Those of us who embrace mainstream pop haven’t done a great job offering up a critical framework for how we assess it. In countering the rockist framework, with its treatment of authenticity and authorship as cultural capital, we sometimes simply offer up an appeal to pop’s novelty, its effervescence. But I’m left wondering if we can do a bit better.

“Taylor Swift, Carly Rae Jepsen and the Problem of Assessing Pop Music” by Ryan McNutt (via maisonneuvemag)

To Sleep: perchance to Dream

Brianna Goldberg

So, I’ve been quite the bleary-eyed little insomniac lately. This shenanigan has been going on for about a month now and is really starting to take a toll on my general outlook on life and interpersonal reactions. I’ve done all a lady can do to try to banish the sleepytime anxieties. I read, I light candles, I drink cider with bourbon in it, I breathe deeply and contemplate the forms… and yet I’m still kicking off my covers like a madwoman around 3am wondering why it’s so hard to perform this necessary biological function of rest.

Mint Thingies

I did something EXTREMELY unlike me and joined a yoga studio. It all feels weird and wonky. I’ve traditionally been very non-yoga in my leanings. I just don’t really enjoy group exercise activities and I’m always worried I won’t be doing it right and will get called out by the instructor. I’ve gone about eight or ten times with friends, to a variety of places, and it’s been okay but never really turned my crank. But then Saturday I got a little bloop in my email that there was a Groupon for a month of unlimited Bikram yoga. I have never before used a Groupon, nor done Bikram yoga. But something inside me said, “THIS IS THE ANSWER! THE ANSWER TO YOUR BAD SLEEP JUJU!” And so I bought it and I went to the hot yoga and sweated off half my body weight while stretching and pulling and loudly breathing and resting in 40C heat for 90 minutes and, you know, I actually enjoyed it. I even went back again the next day. I was so sure that this was my ticket to healthiness and anxiety reduction and general awesomeness.

And yet, still no sleepytimes for me.

Today I went to get a flu shot at my local pharmacy and, while waiting, remembered that my doctor had suggested I try melatonin before bed. I searched it out and the only form in which it was available was this: weird chocolate-mint dissolving strips.

This product disturbed me for a number of reasons. First, why is it only available in dissolving strip formula? Can’t I just TAKE A PILL to solve all my problems? Now I have to be reminded of those gross breath mint strips that stick to the roof of my mouth? Second, CHOCOLATE-MINT? Before BED? What, is this supposed to be my dessert? I am so sure they are going to taste like a My Little Pony with those scratch-and-sniff stickers on their butts (that was a thing, right?)… and that doesn’t make me drift of to sleep in a natural, HiI’mDoingBikramYogaNow, kind of zen with the earth way. Lastly, isn’t melatonin a naturally occurring… um… thing? So why is it being packaged in the most gross and artificial way possible? So many questions. So little sleep.

I am so tired of tossing and turning that despite their weird fakenesses I’m going to give these stupid strips a try. I’m ready to eat my words! Yum yum! Tastes like chocolate mint! So if you see me tomorrow with less bloodshot eyes, come up for a snuggle… I bet I’ll have really delightful chocolate mint breath.